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Shocking News: Sloths Can Speak

Scientists are baffled by a discovery that could impact the understanding of gentle tree climbers!

Costa Rica, 31st July 2022: Annual trip to Costa Rica leaves Professor Tamara Fieldsworth-Hambleton with evidence that sloths can speak and are fluent in English.

The annual trip to Costa Rica typically sees Professor Fieldsworth-Hambleton examining cacao trees and pods for an international chocolatier based in London, England. These field trips are essential for monitoring yield qualities and the effects of pests, weather, and climate (including climate change) on the cacao trees and their pods. Monitoring it ensures that only the best cacao pods are used to create some of the most luxurious chocolate in the world.

One evening while out later checking over a particular batch of cacao pods, Professor Fieldsworth-Hambleton heard someone speaking incredibly slowly somewhere amongst the cacao trees nearby. Following the voice, flashlight in tow, the professor finally found the source. A sloth in a tree muttering to itself in the slowest spoken English the professor had ever heard. For a moment, she believed the sound from the tree could have been mistaken for the sound of trees swaying in a gentle breeze, but it was a sloth.

“I still can’t believe it! I had once read accounts (in a very tattered volume in the depths of the British Library) from both indigenous peoples and Spanish conquistadors that there had been the sounds of someone human but no one to be found! Of course both groups must have thought it one of their number or their opposites. But clearly, many of these ‘hearings’ must have been sloths in trees. Though it was even more of a surprise to hear one speaking perfectly good English.”

Professor Tamara Fieldsworth-Hambleton

Data points:

• Costa Rica is home to approximately 5 million sloths.
• Professor Tamara Fieldsworth-Hambleton graduated from the University of Toffendum in 2010 and gained her PhD during the 2020 pandemic from the same institution.
• Sloths are folivores.

Contact info:

Professor Tamara Fieldsworth-Hambleton can be contacted at proftamara(at)slothscanspeak(dot)info for further comment.

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